Tub on the Run

Calm(ish) on the outside, ARGHHHH on the inside


I am a week away from my holiday, and my usual pre-holiday, work related anxiety and panic is beginning to set in.  Add in to that an interesting situation whereby I could apply for a promotion, mix it in with a couple of frank conversations and a couple of realisations, and my nerves are shot to hell and I am beginning to feel overwhelmed.  Oh yeah, add in my wedding dress fitting, and I’m quite amazed that I am functioning at all.  I know they aren’t big problems, but I suffer from anxiety, and the trigger will determine how well I cope.

Normally, I find that running really helps.  I get the chance to be alone with my thoughts and work through things.  I’ve really enjoyed getting back to it this week, and I have had the opportunity to explore a couple of new routes.  I’ve also been chuffed to use my Garmin, and I’ve found the stats quite interesting.  I ran the first run of Week 5, and ran two runs from Week 4.

I ran the third run of Week 4 at parkrun this morning.  I haven’t set any records, and I haven’t set a new PB, but I was pleased with how I went.  I ran for more than Week 4’s podcast, and I’m beginning to feel a little bit more “part of it” (don’t get me wrong, parkrun is very friendly, but people are now beginning to recognise me and know my name).  Also, it was really lovely to see Sharon from Shazruns at the finish line.  It was the first time we’ve had the chance for a chat before, and I’m sure we’ll stop for a coffee in the cafe when the weather turns cooler.  Sadly, I’m not back to parkrun now until nearly the end of the month.

Unfortunately, running hasn’t really helped clear my head.  Well, maybe it has, and in which case, I’d dread to think what I’d feel like if I hadn’t run.

Anyway, one of the issues has been highlighted this week is that I have become increasingly scruffy in my work dress, therefore a shopping trip was in order.  To be honest,  I could have done without the financial expenditure right now, but I guess there would never have been a good time (financially) in the run up to the wedding.  I had a very pleasant afternoon out with my mum, nonetheless, and I now have some new work clothes.

Post shopping cuppa

My post-shopping cup of tea 🙂

I think part of the issue has been that I bought “interim” clothes while I was (am) losing weight, and I haven’t wanted to replace them until I have “deserved” new ones (by going down a size).  Frustratingly, I haven’t gone down a clothes size.  I’m still firmly in a size 20 in shirts.  Three stone, and I still haven’t gone down a dress size really.  I’ve disliked shopping for a long time.  I suspect that I will disliked it for a while longer.

As for the anxiety, I’m just going to have to work like the clappers this week, get everything in order and do a good handover.  Realistically, that is all I can do right now.   I foresee a week of late nights in the office.  Otherwise, it is just a case of dealing with individual issues rather than trying to fire fight them all at once.

Author: Steph

Blogger learning to live a healthier life, losing weight and starting to run.

13 thoughts on “Calm(ish) on the outside, ARGHHHH on the inside

  1. After the comment you left on my post I see what you mean. I reiterate the blog hug.

    Try to be kind to yourself and if there is a way of minimising the hours (easier said than done I know) do it.

    I’m so impressed to hear you’re still running though. Well done 🙂

  2. Big hugs, it seems like now is the time for stressing out 😮
    I think I’ve said that I’ve lost three stone too – and my dress size didn’t budge either. I try to console myself with the thought that I’ve replaced fat with muscle. But it doesn’t always help. (like ever). I find it frustrating that my size 16 jeans are still clinging to my hips, with no sign of falling down yet. Serves me right for trying to buy ‘skinny’ jeans….
    Urgh. Hang in there! Glad you’re sticking to the running!

    • I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one like this! Sometimes I want to shake one of the ladies at Slimming World who is narked that she hasn’t lost a dress size despite losing half a stone (she isn’t someone who you’d necessarily see half a stones’ difference.

      Thank you TartanJogger 🙂

  3. Glad you are sticking with the running 🙂
    Also, with the dress sizes, try not to worry about that- I try to not pay attention to them at all as even within the same shop there is variation- and between shops there is an even bigger variation. I think the trick is to ignore the label and just find things that make you feel good.

    • Thank you 🙂 You are right, and it definitely depends on the shop, the item and the material too. I bought shirts, which are always larger in size for me (stupid boobs!).

  4. Great to chat in person on Saturday. Hope holiday goes well and tat everything else ones together as you wish, you deserve it! X

  5. Sounds like a holiday is well in order – hope it gives you the head space you need 🙂 I get the exact same way before a holiday, and have previously almost reached burn out just in time for the holiday when I’m just exhausted, not good! All you can do is what you are doing , small steps at a time, .e.g sorting out the clothing situation when it came about. Well done on the park run, and glad to read that the yurbuds served you well ! (by the way about the wind noise, I heard from another runner this weekend that it is on purpose so that runners can hear passing cars etc. safety first 😉 ) Hope you’re feeing better Steph!

    • Hi Lucy! I am glad it isn’t just me that does that. M just doesn’t get why I get so wound up over it, which can make it harder. But, I am taking it one day at a time and trying to remember that I am not superhuman. Just normal.

      The wind noise on thr yurbuds is definitely for safety, I think it is a bit windier than it has been lately which is probably why it sounds louder. It is kind of nice to be able to hear more around you.

      Hope you aren’t to sore after your 10k adventure 🙂

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