I am a week away from my holiday, and my usual pre-holiday, work related anxiety and panic is beginning to set in. Add in to that an interesting situation whereby I could apply for a promotion, mix it in with a couple of frank conversations and a couple of realisations, and my nerves are shot to hell and I am beginning to feel overwhelmed. Oh yeah, add in my wedding dress fitting, and I’m quite amazed that I am functioning at all. I know they aren’t big problems, but I suffer from anxiety, and the trigger will determine how well I cope.
Normally, I find that running really helps. I get the chance to be alone with my thoughts and work through things. I’ve really enjoyed getting back to it this week, and I have had the opportunity to explore a couple of new routes. I’ve also been chuffed to use my Garmin, and I’ve found the stats quite interesting. I ran the first run of Week 5, and ran two runs from Week 4.
I ran the third run of Week 4 at parkrun this morning. I haven’t set any records, and I haven’t set a new PB, but I was pleased with how I went. I ran for more than Week 4’s podcast, and I’m beginning to feel a little bit more “part of it” (don’t get me wrong, parkrun is very friendly, but people are now beginning to recognise me and know my name). Also, it was really lovely to see Sharon from Shazruns at the finish line. It was the first time we’ve had the chance for a chat before, and I’m sure we’ll stop for a coffee in the cafe when the weather turns cooler. Sadly, I’m not back to parkrun now until nearly the end of the month.
Unfortunately, running hasn’t really helped clear my head. Well, maybe it has, and in which case, I’d dread to think what I’d feel like if I hadn’t run.
Anyway, one of the issues has been highlighted this week is that I have become increasingly scruffy in my work dress, therefore a shopping trip was in order. To be honest, I could have done without the financial expenditure right now, but I guess there would never have been a good time (financially) in the run up to the wedding. I had a very pleasant afternoon out with my mum, nonetheless, and I now have some new work clothes.
I think part of the issue has been that I bought “interim” clothes while I was (am) losing weight, and I haven’t wanted to replace them until I have “deserved” new ones (by going down a size). Frustratingly, I haven’t gone down a clothes size. I’m still firmly in a size 20 in shirts. Three stone, and I still haven’t gone down a dress size really. I’ve disliked shopping for a long time. I suspect that I will disliked it for a while longer.
As for the anxiety, I’m just going to have to work like the clappers this week, get everything in order and do a good handover. Realistically, that is all I can do right now. I foresee a week of late nights in the office. Otherwise, it is just a case of dealing with individual issues rather than trying to fire fight them all at once.