I have to admit that since just before we decorated our bedroom, I hadn’t seen my scales to step onto and find out the state of play. I’d assumed that because I hadn’t been following any kind of eating plan at all, that the scales wouldn’t make for happy reading when I did eventually unearth them.
Then, as I was putting together the decorating post, I asked Matt if he could send over any pictures that he had of the room. He sent me over the picture below. My heart sank.
This picture is hard for me to post. Having unearthed my scales and weighed myself now, I know that I’ve actually lost the couple of pounds that I put on in mid-February and I’m back to my lowest weight of 2016, possibly even 2015. I’m 21 and a half pounds down since my January weigh in. But on Saturday, this was of little consolation.
I spent time on Saturday genuinely considering the question, can body dysmorphia work two ways? I know that typically body dysmorphia is where the person thinks that they’re much larger than they actually are. But can it go the other way? Can you think you’re smaller than you are? Regardless, I have clearly been telling myself that I am much smaller than I actually am, and catching a candid shot has opened a bit of a wound. The more frustrating thing? I’ve lost 21.5 lbs. This isn’t even me at my heaviest. I was a stone and half fatter than this at the beginning of the year.
That night, I attended my pity party. The thing is, I’ve done the long and protracted pity stage. I’ve done the self-loathing stage. Have either turned out to be a successful strategy for improvement? No. Quelle surprise. Wounds won’t heal if you constantly pick at them. So after a bit of a miserable evening, I tried to kick myself out of it on Sunday morning. It was no easy thing, especially mixed with the mother of all period pains. But after the horror of seeing that photo, I know I have made a good start on my weight loss this year and I just need to keep up the momentum.
Part of my Easter weekend will be devoted to some good old fashioned batch cooking. Our freezer has been broken for weeks, and the repair man is coming out (hopefully for the last time) on Wednesday. I’ll also be restarting my Fitness Blender FB Fit, which I had stopped as I hadn’t made it a priority.
If nothing else, this photo has served to put me back on track with a better focus. On the plus side? It can be a progress photo for the future!