Tub on the Run


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What a way to celebrate my 100th post…

I have debated whether to post this later on today or not, and I’ve decided to post now (surely my 100th post should be about nice things and fluffy bunnies and unicorns.  This is not one of those posts). 

Weigh in will go completely as I expect it to.  By that, I mean that I will have gained weight.  I can feel it without the scales telling me.  I sit here, getting increasingly frustrated at myself, feeling like a failure.  Hmm… failure’s probably not quite the right word.  Fraud is probably closer.  Here I am, on my weight loss and running blog, not really doing either.  What’s worse is that even I am beginning to notice that there is a yoyo tone to the blog, which is very much a reflection of how I feel, and I don’t like it. 

Why am I scratching my head?  Mainly because I seem to be embroiled in a battle between my good and bad weeks.  I have a great week, like last week.  I feel motivated, really focused, on plan, in control, and I just feel like I am winning at this weight loss thing.  Skip forwards a week, and my meals are completely out of whack, high calorie, high fat, high sugar snacks and meals.  My motivation has skipped off to a happy place elsewhere, and I am left here feeling empty and tired. 

Yet, ironically, I am far from empty.  I have overindulged, binged, feasted and stuffed myself.  I have stonking headaches (probably all sugar rush related), I am tired and sluggish and miserable.  Despite my best efforts to fill the void with food, it hasn’t worked.  Something else is missing, but I don’t know what.  I am bored of trying to work out what “it” is. I cannot put a finger on what happened.  On what went wrong.  Anything I come up with just feels like an excuse.

There is much moping to be done, a few frustrated tears to be shed, but something needs to change.  On reflection, I need to emulate some of the good habits I had formed when I was on my 10 week loss streak at the beginning of the year.  Between the throbs of my latest headache, I remember that some of the good habits that I’d held included:

  • Posting on my blog frequently.  I think I am currently averaging one to two posts a week.  During “the streak”, I was posting more like 4 times a week.  I think it helped to maintain my focus.
  • Food diaries.  These are always a bit hit and miss, but I was completing a diary more regularly then than I am now.  I find food diaries to be a bit of a chore sometimes, so I am thinking that perhaps the odd food diary on the blog isn’t too bad an idea – a bit of a thermometer reading of how I’m doing.
  • Running.  I was running, and I was following Couch to 5k.  I had a structure.  There were no real quibbles about what I was going to do or when I was going to go out, or even which route to run.  I was told that I had to go out (by the podcast), so out I went.  I missed the structure after C25K ended, and things all started going a bit, well, unstructured.  Tubs need a structure to work within.  Back to C25K I go (but I will keep parkrun in there).
  • Workouts.  I went to Zumba Tone.  I went spinning.  I enjoyed them both.  I am not doing either currently.  It’s time to stop wasting my gym membership and get my bum back to classes.  Three runs a week, plus one or two classes should keep my nose out of the biscuit tin.
  • Shopping.  We were so much better at shopping, making sure that we went on a certain day.  That day used to be Sunday.  We’re both so tired now, that weekends are for slobbing around.  The occasional slob-end is fine.  But this is every single weekend, and we’re in a rut.  Also, I dread to think of the amount we’ve spent on food lately – takeaways are not meant to be a lifestyle choice.

I am going to find the first couple of weeks frustrating.  I know that.  I know that this is going to be when I am more vulnerable to sliding off the wagon in a gelatinous blob, then there will be a period where it feels like second nature, and then there will be a period where it won’t take much for me to jump from the wagon voluntarily, just for “something different to do”.

 I have a few things coming up over the next few months – a weekend marshalling, my dress fitting, going to Cyprus, then two wedding celebrations one after the other, my hen weekend and a couple of weeks later, my wedding.  All are potential derailments, and things I wouldn’t have needed to consider during “the streak”.  They will be challenges, and I need to plan for them.  They’ll disrupt my exercise plans and my food, but they cannot throw me off kilter.


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A happy panda day!

I am a happy panda today.  I have a couple of reasons to be pleased.

I lost 4lbs at my weigh in last night.  I am pleased with that – that’s nearly all of my last two weeks’ worth of gains gone, and I’m coming back down into my next stone zone.  That is definitely a good thing.  I am feeling positive and happy within myself too, and I’m definitely having less mood swings than I was when I was eating anything and everything.  I didn’t stay to group, but I plan to next week.  Sometimes it just takes too long to go through everyone.

I also received my Nakd cereal bars (all 104 of them!).  I can’t recommend them highly enough – the bars were shipped out quickly, arrived by courier, and I got a couple of freebies thrown in (which I have eaten).  In that parcel, I had a couple of new flavours – caffe mocha (delicious) and gingerbread (not yet broken into that box).  I also had the Berry Delight, which was more tangy than I was expecting (this is a good thing for me – I’m all about tang).

I wrote an email to my Foodie Penpal in German.  This is quite the achievement for me, as I haven’t spoken much German since I left Post-16, when I studied German as an A Level.  It’s reminded me that I quite enjoy flexing the grey matter on things like languages, and I may start looking at picking German back up again (there was a time when I used to read Die Welt to get more exposure, but I stopped that with the end of A Levels).

My blood pressure is spot on (106/68 is good apparently), and my resting heart rate is 66 (which, by resting, we mean following the stress of trying to find somewhere to park at the doctors’ this morning).  I wish I’d taken the stats when I first started losing weight to see if there was a comparison.  Not to worry!

So, a good few days down – roll on the weekend!

 


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Tub’s adventures over the past 5 days

It’s been a funny few days, and this is quite a long post, but I have put pictures in to help break the tedium!

Saturday morning went by extremely quickly (too quickly) and I ended up getting a bit stressed out that I hadn’t sorted everything prior to our departure.  We picked N up, added more stuff in to the car, got fuel and headed on our way – J and N’s sister in the lead car, us in the second.  We made it as far as the next services before the dogs (of J and N) needed letting out.  After a brief stop, we headed to lunch at College Farm in Shrivenham.  That served to make me more annoyed.  I constantly find there that the food is ok (it is great value) but the customer service is absolutely appalling, and this visit was no exception.  I have said to M that we must not eat there again (which is a shame because it is convenient for stopping by on the way home from Silverstone).

After lunch, we continued, only having to go around a roundabout twice once.  On arrival, M and I are like camping ninjas and had our tent up and guyed quicker than you could say Wyton Lakes (where we were staying).  J headed off to pick up his race pack, and we put their tent up.  I have to say, I was really impressed by the camp site – it had everything you could want.  We had deliberately booked a service pitch so we could have the phone chargers running.  The showers were clean and warm, the toilets were good and the owners were friendly.  It is a dog friendly campsite too.  If we’re in the area again, we’d definitely go back.

For tea, we headed into Huntingdon and stopped at the King of the Belgians.  That was a complete contrast in terms of service to our lunchtime meal – service and food were brilliant!

It was an early start in the morning, as J needed to get his bike all set up and sorted, put in transition and then head to the briefing and start line ready for the Nice Tri Duathlon around Grafham Water.  For the first time in weeks, I had to wear my hoodie as it was a bit nippy.  It was perfect for running though.

J on the 10k run, transitioning to bike

J on the 10k run, transitioning to bike

J did really well – he came fourth overall, shaving 13 minutes from his Cambridge time (he used his Cambridge time as the qualifier to join the GB time in Canada).  For some reason, they hadn’t done age categories, but if they had, he’d have won his age group.  He was the second GB competitor through.  We were all chuffed for him – bearing in mind, he’s only been doing this for about 8 months, he is doing really well!  The three guys before him were all quite a bit older and have been competing for a while, so give J a few years, and he’ll be well away!

Top four finishers

Top four finishers

After a little bit of milling around, we headed to Ikea.  That was an experience and involved a lot of rearranging of luggage, but we got there.  We arrived home around 6:00pm and I started the mad dash to get ready for Monday morning.

Early Monday, off I toddled to the airport to go to Manchester for work.  Two days up there nearly wrecked my sanity.  I managed to lose my passport, and I wasn’t carrying my driving licence – thankfully, our PA got it all sorted and I was allowed on the plane to come home.  How she wangled it, I don’t know.  The cost to me?  A bottle of whiskey as a thank you (and a new passport of course!).

As for weigh in – well, let me tell you, that was the real poop cherry on my vommy cupcake – 4lbs on.  I’d like to say “oh well”, but I am annoyed, fed up, tired of bobbing around this weight.  I had an “I don’t want to do this anymore” outburst, at which point, my friend H dragged me to the Nominations for Slimmer of the Year 2012 board and said I needed to look how far I’d come.  She’s right, though I admit, I see a much greater difference in her photo to mine.

Weigh in has made me a sad panda

I’ve dusted myself off, gnoshed two Hifi Lights (the new blueberry cheesecakes – yum!), a bagel with cashew butter (my syns for the day), a jacket spud with cheese and beans, and a melon pot.  Dinner is to be confirmed – it’ll need to be syn free.


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A hot weather whinge

One of the things I hate most about being fat, is this weather.  Gorgeous as it is (and I certainly wouldn’t send the sunshine away), the accompanying heat is not very welcome.  I’d like it if we could turn the thermostat down about 5 degrees.  Why?  I am fed up of being sticky and uncomfortable.  I don’t like having to worry about whether my top has got caught under a fat roll and is now sodden with sweat, or how shiny my face has become because I am overheating, or if I shake hands with someone, will I stick to them?  I appreciate some of these issues won’t go away by being thinner, but I am hoping to be a little more comfortable in my own skin.  The Met Office has forecast that this spell will last until mid-August, and I guess I should make the most of it.

I didn’t parkrun on Saturday because it was already so warm by the time we got up at 7:30am.  That was a little silly on my part really, as I have realised that I won’t be back running at parkrun for quite some time.  Over the coming weeks, I am in Cambridgeshire, then have a hen party, then should be marshalling at Castle Combe (though if it is still as hot, I think I’ll be declining), followed by marshalling at parkrun, but I can run it the week after!

Weigh in wise, I lose 1lb this week, which is perfectly ok with me.  Our group discussion was full of people going on about how saintly they are in getting all their fruit and salads in (though interesting to note, we didn’t have a Slimmer of the Week).  Honestly?  I go off the boil on fruit and yogurt.  I just don’t want either.  Damn it, I want ice cream.  Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Me Up or Oh My Apply Pie if I have the option to choose.  I have to admit that I kind of zoned out mid-discussion.  We did, however, get fed.  I love going to a fat club and getting fed.  It was a “bring your own Slimming World friendly quiche”.  I didn’t take any, as the last time I did, no one ate it (and for good reason – it was foul).  I now leave it to the more experienced cooks.  When Slimming World asks me to bring in a triple chocolate brownie, I shall oblige, because I rock at baking those.

I’ve got to go to the dreaded Thursday group to weigh in next week, I have to grace the North with my presence for work and won’t be back in time.  I don’t really click with the Thursday group, so I won’t be staying.  Weigh and go for me!  Annoyingly, because we’re away at the weekend and then I’m off for work and staying in a hotel on Monday night, I don’t think my food choices will be amazing.  However, I will make myself think twice before ordering the cheese laden dish with sweet potato fries, followed by pudding (usually some sort of apple tart), washed down with a couple of glasses of rose or a vodka mix.


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My line in the sand

This week is flying by!  I had a reasonable weigh in – it was a line in the sand for me.  I weighed in at 16st 3lbs.  It was a 3lb gain.

Today, I weigh exactly the same as I did in the summer of 2008.  A real turning point for me was my little sister’s 21st birthday party.

tubontherun.wordpress.com 2008 16.3

I don’t remember now what exactly made me feel that I had to change, but there had been a few photos that I really began to notice how much weight I’d piled on.  The top that I was wearing in the picture didn’t fit nicely when it once had, but I couldn’t face going to buy a new top.  I probably knew I wouldn’t be able to find many nice clothes in a size it fit me.

It was at a time when I wasn’t too happy either.  I’d split up from my first proper boyfriend the year before, and had piled the weight on throughout 2007 – comfort food fed the emotion and did its best to mask how empty, worthless and lonely I felt.  I was living up north, with hardly any friends (most of my uni friends moved back home or went travelling), and I had cripplingly poor, exceptionally low self esteem.  I did have a job I loved though.  So, in June 2008, I vowed to make a concerted effort to blitz the blub.

The thought of going to a weight loss group did not inspire me (though ironically, it probably would have done me the world of good).  Instead, I researched Tesco Diets – their GI plan specifically.  I loved it – the food was great, I felt like I was always eating, I didn’t have the spikes and troughs in my energy levels, and my mood improved a lot.  The pounds also started to melt away.  To start off with, it was really easy.  I lived on my own, Tesco Diets provided a shopping list, I had no social life so I could spend my evenings cooking a huge variety of food.  When the company I worked for sadly went into administration, my job sank with it and I made the move back to my home – Devon.  Back in with my parents I moved, and within the month I had a new job to go to.  I got more active and started horse riding again.  I kept up with the diet and hit Christmas 2008 at 13 stone dead.  I’d lost 3 stone 3lbs.  I really began to feel attractive again.

Bruges 13 stone

I hated my job, but everything else was going really well.  I was enjoying being back home – somewhere where I was loved.  However, over the next 4 years, I added over a stone on to each year.  In those years, M and I got together (and I was welcomed into an additional family of perpetual fat fighters), I changed my role, I hit rock bottom in my job and mental state, I moved out of my parent’s house into our first flat (which was, and still is horrid), I lost my confidence with horse riding following a couple of bad incidents, and all manner of other things changed and I reverted back to being a binging comfort eater.

Two weeks before M proposed in March last year, I joined Slimming World.  I joined at 19st 1.5lbs.  My size 22 trousers were getting too tight, and I didn’t feel right in my own skin.  I felt and looked hideous, and my weight had started to affect all that I tried to do.  When my weight blinked on the screen,  I could have fallen off the scales (but for the fear of damaging myself and/or someone or something else).  My journey with Slimming World started off ok.  Then spent the next 9 months bimbling around and not really losing the weight.  I started 2013 on a high, with 10 consecutive weeks of losses.  Then I started bimbling again.

This is my line in the sand.  I can do the next three stone.  I did it before, and I can do it again.

From fatter to thinner

I’m in a much better place than I was then, so… Where did I put my running plan and food diary?!

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Weigh in: Maintained

Today’s weigh in yielded no change on the scales.  I’m ok with that.  I’d stepped my activity up again last week, which probably mitigated the damage from sneaking in extra titbits or not making the best choices.

Three things I will concentrate on this week are:

  1. Drinking plenty of water.  I haven’t been very good at this since the weekend, and I think it makes a difference to my concentration levels.
  2. Get plenty of fresh fruit and veg in, so that I can have a good result on the scales next week, in time for my monthly weigh in.
  3. Exercise – stick to my plans.  Rearrange days if I need to, but make  sure I get the full quota in.

I haven’t run since my parkrun escapade, as my hips were griping a little bit on Sunday (I should have spent 5 minutes stretching out before getting in the car and sitting down for half an hour).  I was meant to do yoga last night, but I started pinning wedding centrepiece ideas on my Pinterest board and got carried away then started on a board for my future house, so the yoga will be bumped to another day.  I know, I’m so rock ‘n’ roll!

Unfortunately, it has been a rather dull couple of days and I don’t have much else to say – my brain has dribbled out of my ears in a fug of work and wedding.


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The cost of not dodging the doughnuts

The cost of failing to dodge doughnuts is a 2.5lb gain on the scales.  I keep thinking “yeah, well last week was an unusual week, I mean, I drank and everything” (I’m not tee total, but I don’t drink a lot).  So yeah, I’m licking my wounds a little bit and trying to stop feeling so annoyed with myself.

I know what I need to do.  Hell, you know what I need to do too, and rather than write about it (again) I’d just better get on and do it.

I opted for a self pitying day, which I shall call my rest day for this week.  Tomorrow is a run.  The weather is promising to be hideous tomorrow, so I’m quite looking forward to a run in the rain.  It means the pavements will be clear and free, and I can huff and wheeze and turn a lesser shade of beetroot all to myself.

I can’t think of anything that’s going to get too much in the way of me blasting that gain off, with the exception of a meal out on Friday.  It’s tapas, I’m poor, so it will be cheap on both the pocket and waistline (thankfully).  There will also be no alcohol as I am driving.  One thing I really do need to get back on top of is drinking enough.  I’ve had two cups of tea and half a glass of squash all day.  I don’t think that comes to a litre.


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Doughnut dodging disaster

Oh dear.  It’s not been a good day.  I started out being organised, but sadly it’s gone downhill somewhat.  I tripped up some stairs, then nearly got decapitated by a flying cupboard door (that had broken away from his hinge) and smashed a mug, all within the space of 5 minutes.  Then my manager wanted to sit in on my induction (I hate public speaking anyway, and hate it even more when I’m being assessed, though it wasn’t a formal assessment).  Thankfully, the post mortem debrief was levied more at my nerves and ability to speak at a million miles an hour when I am nervous.

Couple the above with a colleague’s birthday (read: plenty of cakes and doughnuts), it hasn’t been a good day for food.  I’m surprised I’ve made it down off a sugar high.  Oh wait.  I did come down.  I crashed, mid afternoon.  The future is neither bright, nor orange, for my weigh in tomorrow.

With the guilt of stuffing my face full of doughnuts, crispies, and swiss rolls, I decided it was time to get back on it.  Back to Week 1 of my 10k plan I trudge (it feels very much “You’ve eaten cake, go straight to jail outdoors and exercise, do not pass “Go”, do not collect £200).  Day 1 is a strength and stretch day.  I chose yoga.  I’ve been struggling with my post sugar trough, so yoga made sense to me.  I need to get back to more regular yoga practice.  I always feel better after it, but just don’t put enough focus on it for some reason.

Fingers crossed for light thoughts tomorrow.


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A good weigh in

I am really pleased to report a good loss of 3.5lbs this week.  I even updated my photos page.  I am now the lightest I have been for probably over three and a half years.

I think what really helped was having a good variety to my meals.  It was getting all a bit samey – chilli con carne, lasagne, carbonara etc, and it made a nice change to have a lot of salads and some new meals (and some variations on a theme).  When I feel myself getting into a rut, I think it will do me some good to follow a 7 day plan from the magazine.  The only thing I would say is that having such a variety in my diet does make for an expensive shopping trip.  However, if it kick starts my weight loss again, then it is worth it.

I have found it easier to resist the office snacks too, which I think has been down to the more grazing approach which the 7 day plan seemed to encourage.  I’m not saying I have been 100% saintly (there was that trifle sundae on Sunday after all), but I’ve been trying to pay more attention to how I feel.  Also, I am a scan bran convert – it takes me nearly all morning to eat the prescribed 5 for my Healthy Extra B with cottage cheese.

I’m pleased with how things are shaping up, literally, too:

January 2013 253.5lbs

January 2013 253.5lbs

So January 2013, I felt and looked like a blob.  My face was all podgy and I just didn’t feel good in my own skin.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not exactly wasting away now, but I can see a difference, and I can definitely feel a difference.

June 2013 - 221lbs

June 2013 – 221lbs

It’s only about a dress size worth of difference so far, but it is pleasing (for me) to know that I am slimming, as there are times when I just don’t feel like I am.

It’s another 3lbs to my next half stone award, and I am hoping that with some sensible eating, taking away some of the learning points from last week, and keeping up a food diary for this week, I will be close to achieving (or actually achieving) this next milestone in my weight loss.

Exercise wise, I haven’t really been doing anything.  While my foot is on the mend, I wore my running shoes around the house, and my feet weren’t happy, so I have postponed running by another week.  As it turns out, I don’t have the opportunity to go to spinning tomorrow night, as I am meeting my dad for tea as we need a catch up.  I have decided that, when I am getting back into running, I will do a week of 1 milers so that I don’t aggravate my foot too much.  From there, I will get back to my Hal Higdon 10k plan, starting at Week 1 again.


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Weigh in result

I’ve just had my tea, having come back from Slimming World this evening.

DSCI0004

Tea was delicious!  It was a lot of veg, with meat and pasta.  It was also incredibly filling, and I risk slipping into a food coma right this very moment.

The day has been pretty good, food wise.  I had prepared lunch last night, breakfast was quickly thrown together (and the worst part of my food day), and I haven’t felt too hungry for the most part.  Breakfast was, what I thought, a healthy option.  A Dorset Cereals Honey Granola pot.  Yep, 18 syns.  That was 3 syns over my daily allowance in 75g.  Argh!  I haven’t eaten anything else in terms of syns today though, so while it’s not ideal, I am not beating myself up about it.

The foot is no better at all.  I had hoped that it might be getting a little better, but 4 days in and I’m still hobbling.  A couple of people have mentioned wearing insoles though, and I do have a pair somewhere (I’m just not entirely sure where).  I have failed in my Juneathon attempt today.  I have done little exercise other than walking to and from various offices, and I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count at all.  I am trying to summon up the courage to go swimming though, just in case I don’t get anywhere with the foot.

Weigh in?  I put on a pound.  I’d love to say that I don’t know why, but that would be a fib.  We ate too much last week.  I’m not losing sleep over it though, as I am on Day 1 of the 7 day plan in the magazine, and I know next week will yield a loss, despite a potential lack of exercise.  Interestingly, quite a few of us in group have been putting on and losing the same pound or two for a number of weeks, and we’ve all had a bit of a light bulb moment over the last couple of days.